New YouTube Video! 100 Things People Will Say in 100 Years. I hope you enjoy it!
I have four roommates. When I refer to them (usually when I post tweets about them to Twitter), I refer to them as Roommate A, Roommate B, and Roommate D. (I live in room C of our apartment.)
Roommate A does nothing but smoke weed. Every single day. Every moment of every single day. He also steals my granola bars and doesn’t ever really go to class. We never see each other, so we also don’t have a problem with one another.
Rommate B is obese and eats massive amounts of extremely unhealthy food in one sitting. For example, he will open up an entire box of 30 taquitos, heat them up in the microwave, and eat them all in about 10-15 minutes. The same goes for boxes of 12 egg rolls, 4 enchilada dinners, and bags of Totino’s pizza rolls. We see each other sometimes, and he is friendly enough.
Roommate C is me. I have one section in the fridge that is mine. I’m always having to move everyone else’s shit out of my section. I don’t buy frozen foods because the freezer doesn’t work properly and I don’t eat a lot, so the food goes bad before I get a chance to ingest it. I mostly keep to my room, which is sometimes dirty, but it doesn’t affect anyone else, so they have nothing to complain about. I keep the apartment cold so my chinchillas don’t die.
Roommate D. He is a decent person. He looks kind of like this:
But his back is in good shape. He smells bad. Kind of like what I would guess a dirty hundred-year-old sloth would smell like. We share a Netflix subscription. He always pays on time. He oftentimes decides to move into the living room. He’ll pretty much just camp out there with his comforter set and his XBOX and play video games all day. He likes to wear a bathrobe around the apartment at night. He cooks really smelly food, such as salmon. His electric toothbrush has mold on it. He sometimes wakes up at random times, such as 3:00am to take a bath, which I find odd. Last week he was sick and instead of using toilet paper, he was blowing his nose into a full-sized towel. We get along, but sometimes his habits gross me out.
But enough about that. Three days ago I woke up to get ready for work (at about 7:30am. He’s an early riser and is always awake before me.) and he had a giant box of Kellogg’s Rice Crispy Treats sitting in front of me. He was unwrapping all of the Rice Crispy Treats, rewrapping them in plastic wrap, and then placing them on baking pans. We had a short conversation as I was walking out the door:
“…What are you doing?”
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Okay. I don’t actually want to know. Carry on.”
Turns out he took the Rice Crispy Treats to a party and told everyone he made them himself. A girl just brought by a note to our apartment for him that said:
“Dear Person who made the rice crispys,
they were fucking delicious! You werent here when I was for me to give you a huge…so just pretend I did.
The girl in Janies’ room
This post doesn’t really have much of a point other than for me to let all of you know that I think the whole “I made these delicious rice crispy treats for all of you” lie is ridiculous and sad.
That is all. Thanks for reading!
Your giggles are the highlight of my day. I’m silly and unattractive and adorable; you’re happy and beautiful and make me smile. You don’t like hugs because you don’t like for other people to touch you because it makes you uncomfortable. But you gave me a hug and it made me happy to know that I could be an exception. I think we’re close. Neither of us are the kind of people who have to stay in constant contact with everyone via text-messaging every second of every day, etc., but when we talk to one another, the conversation is always quality. I enjoy the time we spend together, the few hours every week. I appreciate what we are. I respect you and value your companionship. Thanks for seeing me as something other than unacceptable. No one ever does. It means a lot.
If one is unintelligent, his opinion is not going to be logically sound, and therefore is virtually pointless for him to possess, much less attempt to impose on other people who may be of greater intelligence than himself, and thus hold an opinion which is logically sound and, therefore, valid.
I am important. I’m like mortar.
Everyone always looks at the bricks of a house and marvels at their beauty and strength…but, really, those bricks wouldn’t be able to stay together were it not for the mortar. Mortar bonds things together; mortar makes separate things one.
But what’s sad is that the part of a house that starts cracking first after the foundation loses its solidity is the mortar. It doesn’t take long after the foundation loses a bit of stability for the mortar to start chipping and splitting. Crumbling. Falling apart, even as the bricks carry on about their business without a care in the world. Until everything comes crashing down.
I think the mortar cracks first because no one appreciates it. Maybe if someone told it that it was important, that it was worthwhile, that it had a purpose, that without it everything would fall apart…then maybe it would have a little bit more strength and would be able to withstand the strain of a slightly unstable foundation. It would be able to keep it together when something went wrong instead of disintegrating at the most minor disruption.
I am important. I’m like mortar. I bond things together. I make things whole. I’m a crucial component of construction. I’m just not valued. People don’t understand how pivotal I am because I’m constantly being upstaged by bricks.
Sense No Make English. “nothing whing wit likin butt chocolate”